2002-10-17 - 11:17 p.m.
Boysss.
OH MAN...i love brock.....i love vicky..she is honestly the funnyest person EVER....we were all in tears at my house meeting night, cause vicky is fucking hilarious! oh man.....i love this schoool more and more each day!!!!
ANYWAYS, back to what im talking about...I wanna talk about guys. GUYS GUYS GUYS, something that is always on my mind. Lately ive been feeling alone...wait, i always feel alone. I think that was another big reason i was upset about thursday night. I just was getting tired of MEANINGLESS hooking up. I mean i dont expect ANYTHING from going out to bars, and randomly making out with guys, hey thats really what i was looking forward to for the first two weeks. I didnt want no relationship, i didnt want any commitment, fuck, i really didnt care if i knew the guys name *yes, maybe i just sounded completely shallow right there*..I was out to have some good old drunken fun, and fun includes making out for me! hahha...I dont regret kissing/fooling around with any of the guys in the last 2 weeks, but the thing is, there is only SO MUCH of that you can do, before quite honestly it gets boring, boring and empty.
I think kissing is even THAT much better when you kiss someone WHO YOU ACUALLY CARE FOR. Some of the guys were amasing kissers physically, but for me a GOOD KISS is with someone who you ACUALLY care/like. Its a hard feeling to explain, but im sure we have all felt it. I told myself i didnt want to go to bars anymore, cause i was sick of this "meanless" stuff...Right now i want someone who ACUALLY cares for me as a person, and not just as some drunk blonde chick who likes to make-out. I want someone to give me that "tingle". I want to have that "nervous" feeling when we first kiss, or when our arms gradually get closer and closer to each other, afraid of what the other person is thinking. I want that "crush" feeling, of "does he like me or not". I want to have someone i can talk to for endless hours, laughing at the stupidest things, and than falling asleep together. I want someone to REALLY CARE for me, not just my body...and THE BAR isnt a place to find this person....
Its cool because this week ive been exposed to so many different guys. Since seminars have started this week, the focus of guys and opporunities to meet this guys have increased. There are a few guys in my classes *classes of 20, which means its greater chance of getting to know them than the huge ass class of 360*who have caught my eyes, and made me reliese hey, maybe meeting a truly good guy IS possible.
I'm NOT gonna stop going to bars, thats part of my university experience. I am HOWEVER gonna stop drinkiNG SO much. Not stop drinking completely, but cut it down, cause i wanna have FUN, and i dont NEED to be hammered to have fun!
I have a good feeling about things, i really do. Im meeting more people,and that alone feeling i had, is disapearing...i know it may sound stupid, but i think im gonna meet someone soon. I have an open mind about things, and i cant EXPECT to meet someone, but know that there are SOOO many people at this school, and time, time, time will tell alll:)
Well beddy time is now time:) Drop by the guestbook and say hi;) i wanna hear from people:) :) :)
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