2002-09-29 - 7:17 p.m.
.....
i fucking cant handel this shit anymore..im sitting here crying, not knowing anything anymore....and to top it all off im fucking sick, and its not helping...i just wanna lye in my bed for the rest of my life and not do anything....i should be reading now, but lately i just have no motivation to do that....none...it sometimes crosses my mind that i should drop outta university...because i feel so stupid sometimes, i havent had any essay/assignments due yet, but when i do and get them back i know itll be a fucking kick again, telling me how stupid i am.....brings me back to OAC AND my fucking english teacher who made the first semester a living hell, telling me really that i was going no where in life, and that i should be in grade 9....and right now i have no motivation to do work, and im just gonna be a failure....i know im not stupid, but i just dont know...
Thats not even why im upset...I dont know what im upset about, maybe cause i dont understand why the hell my sister is mad at me...i didnt understand that i made a promise with her, and she would ACUALLY TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AND BASE THAT ON how our trust and relationship...like fuck.....why do i constantly fell like people are judging me on things i do...why cant people understand that this is my life, and if i wanna mess it up, or do what i wanna do, is MY choice...So what if i end up going out many nights, drink, and kiss guys..SUE ME...in no way am i telling everyone that you should go out , get drunk, and make out with guys...If i have fun doing that, than cool...
i dont know..im so confused now....Im a mess....i just wanna go home......i want be with my mom so much, i miss her so much........................why does my sister hate me.......fuck....i dont even see why i have to defend myself in any way.....
i hate growing up....i wish i could have stayed 8 years old forever. Life was sooo much fucking easiler, and carefree than it is now.....
im going to sleep..maybe ill wake up and everything will be fine...but i highly doubt that......
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