2003-01-14 - 11:11 p.m.
Stress that shouldnt be there
Hi-o.
I really have a lot on my mind, a lot..But I don�t know if I have the strength to write it all down. Ive noticed my journal has been a lot of talk of boys, and than today I was thinking..booo I want a boyfriend. HAHA I don�t know seems like the last 4 months has been all about little flings, or randomness..I just want a good guy, that doesn�t just want me for my body. But than again I start thinking, maybe im not allowing guys to get to know me..maybe I put up that wall sometimes and when a guy gets too close I get scared away. Acaully that�s what ive been like my whole life. I just wanna get that tinkely feeling again. I wanna do stupid things like get excited when I see his name come up on msn, or if he messages me�or inviting me out somewhere, and actually really interesting in knowing me. Stupid things like oh, his hand rubbed up against mine, the moments leading up to the first kiss. You know..ahh..I defiantly think by rushing into making out with some guy after knowing him for 2 seconds is getting old, and ive said a million times I love it..i just want SOMETHING new. I get bored to damn easy.
ANYWAYS enough of that. So the last few days have been good. Yesterday was really good. You know I cant go on in an entry without talking about SOME hot guy. HAHHA. WELL let me say English lecture was by far the best its been all year. So im sitting in my usual spot, RIGHT in the back on these stupid desks, so I eat and drink and draw pictures and not pay attention and the prof wont notice. Lets now all refer back to this entry . I made metion of two hot guys who were friends, hot punk boy and hot snowboarder guy. So I notice punk boy in front of me. Well snowboarder comes walking up the stairs, and says to punk and his other friend, �Hey boys, I think im gonna sit here in the back today�, as he puts his stuff beside me, and says �Hey, how are you doing�. Im kinda in shock, pause, looking around to see if he really is talking to me, and reply �GOOOD, how are you�. And that started the 50 minutes of chatting we did in that class. EEEEEE..He actually metioned that he noticed me in film class and asked how I liked that class. I think his name was brian, I cant remember, I get really flustered when I talked to guy that are good looking, and tend to forget important facts like his name!!! Hot punk boy even turned around a few times and asked if I was in comm. Class, and how I did and stuff. Woo hoo. The prof was just giving out exams the whole class, so we sure did just talk it up. *SMILE *. So that really made my day..and now im defiantly never gonna skip that classJ
The rest of my days revolve around sleep, eating, chilling, joking around, causing a ruckus, you know the usual. I actually was thinking a lot about home today. Kinda do all the time actually, as my room is pretty much a SHRINE of pictures from home..i don�t know I got started thinking about THIS summer and how its gonna be. Ive pretty much planned that if I get the job back at the zoo im gonna be staying at home.if not, musoka might be where I wanna go. I don�t know WHERE eles to work in p-town. The zoo pays me incrediably well, I love it there, hours are great�.so I REALLY want to work there this summer�..I dunno, I also got sad today cause school is almost over�and also it seems like EVERYONE AND THEIR grandmas have been talking or looking for houses for next year. I DON�T KNOW WHERE IM GONNA live. I mean I want to live in a house with people, I don�t wanna be on res, but noone has really brought it up around here. I mean I would like to live with Jamie and some of the girls in my house..but its just really hard to bring up�cause I don�t know if they wanna live with me..AHHHH fucking fuck fuck�Oh well, everything will work out I hope!!!!! I really cause more stress in my life than there has to be��:P
Ok bye.
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