2003-03-22 - 4:35 p.m.
Thoughts that dont belong anywhere
I want to update right now. I feel like i have so much to say, but im just not feeling it right now. I feel like i have a ton of things to do, but i dont. There are so many things im excited for right now, so many things i think i want, but that i dont.
Why are there so many decisions in life. Why do i feel like i messed up alot of great things. Why do is my mind upset that school is almost over, and i dont want summer. Why do i want summer. Why am i getting really bored with this same old same old thing i do. Dont get me wrong its fun as hell, but i need something different in my life right now. Why cant i have everything i want in front of me. Why do i STILL feel like my life is separated in Pickering and St Catharines. Why do i sometimes feel like im a different person in each place. There are things people dont know about me here, and there are things people dont know about me at home. I just wanna take things from both places and put it together. I wanna take parts of me from both place and put it together.
Ive heard so many times that University is where you discover your tru self, and i guess thats what im doing. Im also reliesing things i do arent "me" anymore. Talking to jmo and tracy made me reliese im not the only one finding some of "this scene" boring. There is no meaning to it all. But than again, is there meaning to anything. Walking with christine last night, spilling my guts to her about guys in my life for the past 2 years, she just told me to take it one day at a time, and not worry, cause the guy for me will is out there, just stop worrying about things..
I worry too much?!?!?! hahahhaa. Man i go thru stages. Now i have a room to myself, my roommate has left me with a room to myself for the first time. Part of me says to myself, TAWNYA, go out tonight and get drunk, and party it up. Ther might be some hot guys....But a bigger part of me isnt wanting to. Give me a week and ill want to go drink and hit of guys again. I really "want" to stay in and work on my Communications Essay i have due monday. "who is this girl". Ya im a big nerd tonight, but i acually kinda wanna do it. Doesnt cost me any money right??????????
This entry probably doesnt make any sense. These are random thoughts from my head. Fuck, so many things people want, but you cant have both. This sucks. This is life.
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