2003-03-25 - 11:48 p.m.
It all comes together.
Hmm what do i have to say. Lots of things. Its kinda weird now to think school is almost over. Right now i really dont know if i have a job for the summer. I called, but havent gotten a call back. Right now i have 2 weeks left in school. I have 2 weeks off, in which ill probably go home for half of it, as i have a dentist appointment, and a concert to attend on the 19th. Than a week or so for exams. It will all end the 28th of april, and i have 24 hrs to move outta this place. Kinda scary to think about. Kinda exciting..kinda sad.
I feel as if the last month has probably been the best since ive been here. Ive gotten closer to people i never really talked to last semester im 100 percent comfortable with being myself, and things just seem really up. The weather has been better. As trina put it today "TAWNYA i cant keep track of all these guys you are talking to now..." Some of which are guys from the past i still like, some guys here, but no matter what i feel like with each of them, the situation is FUCKED in some way. I get way too overwelmed. Some things i just dont understand. Kevin is talking to me now. First time we have talked in a few weeks. I honestly thought he hated me, and the whole situation REALLY SUCKED, because i really like him as a friend. He makes me laugh, and he is a really good guy, and it just hurt to think that i kinda turned into a bitch with him because i didnt want to give off the impression of "leading him on". Maybe the only reason he messaged me tonight is because he is piss drunk...i dont know. He still makes me laugh thou. I just felt like i might have messed uo ANOTHER good friendship in my life. I tend to do that alot....i just still need to grow up and think that ignoring situations will make them better.
Now this Ryan guy. Ahhh i dont know. Again i get fucking scared when a guy liked me. I dont even understand why i do this. He is hot, he is a sweetheart, he acually wanted to get to know me more than just on one night...He invited me over to his rez last night to hang out and whatever, but i told him i wasnt feeling good. Half truth, half lies. I was good enough to dance around and bug people in my house, but to walk 2 minutes to a cute boys house, no i couldnt do it. Sometimes i just dont believe things. And its so fucked up, cause these really good guys enter my life, and i FUCK it up royaly, and end up screwing things up, and than i regret it. And than i end up falling for these guys that treat me like shit, and i complain. Fuck no matter what i do, i cant seem to do things right.
HA, Kevin just told me "Im sorry for being freaky the night when drew was over, he made me drink too much". That was the night i went over, I dont know if he meant freaky by he was being scary *which he wasnt * or freaky as in really being all over me, and trying to kiss me the whole time. Funny boy.
Ok i rambol too much about boys. enough of this shit. Must, concentrate on school. YES school:)
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